Saturday, April 3, 2010
the return
it has been a while since i feel like writing in here. my job is keeping me busy nowadays. i've been there for 1 year and every day passing by becoming more challenging. i'm just not sure how to get the strength to keep going. every working day is a stressful day. sometimes spending weekends in the office as well. i feel so tired. i cannot cope with the workload anymore. only God knows how long i can hold on. the pay and colleagues is okay, but the workload and management is making everyone going insane. i think its time to seriously think of making desicions on my carier path, as the current experience is already so painful.i remember when i was in the commitee during college, we are having hard time dealing with our principal. he is so choosy and perfectionist, and it is not easy to make him satisfied. now i realize that in real world there are more people worst than him. well, at least i have met 2 person like that in 2 different companies.
i'm not lucky in my love life either. waiting for nothing in almost 6 years. yes, i'm to afraid to loose everything that i've tried to build all this years. but its like pouring water in a full cup. useless. i'm getting bored now. he will not change no matter how hard i tried. its either his stupidity of not understanding my needs, or mine of trusting him too much when he is obviously incapable to solve his own problem. i heard people say that love does not need a reason. i can agree with that, because i really dont know why i loved him. but now because of love i'm so hurt. sometimes i feel like i'm hurting myself by being with him all these years. still alone and lonely. but if i leave him, i have nothing left. even now i'm not holding on his promises anymore, only hoping for a miracle. only a miracle can save us.
Ya Allah, please give me the strength that i need, and please show us the way if we are meant to be, but if we are not, then please keep him away from me. It is only You that listens and knowing what is the best for us. amin.