i'm not sure how i'm suppose to react to them whose keep teasing me about marriage. most of the time i just keep quiet. i prefer not to discuss further. because it hurts me so much when i actually do not know whether i can rely on him to actually get attached in a relationship i wanted. most of the time i feel down. he was never there when i need him. i just want him to be here by my side. but that just not possible for him. i don't understand what make it so hard for him to try finding a better living. he seem so comfortable with what he has now. and that is without me. and without enough money for himself! i'm so confused. why do i love him so much? after so many bad things he did to me. good things? can count with fingers. i tried everything to make he realize that he need to do more to make everything ok. things are not ok at the moment. we are not seeing each other often enough. he dont even have driving license to drive me around! that's merely because he dont have enough money to apply for it. i has been 3 years! i dont even get birthday present from him on time. and he keep asking me what i want for a present. i hate being asked for what i want! i told him for a zillion times but he still keep doing that. what i want is his sincerity. whatever the present is i will be happy as long as he's sincere enough to make me happy. but until now he never understand that. i dont know if he ever will.

the other day i called his elder sister. she's the only person that i hope can help with our situation. we talked about our relationship, and that i wanted to get him more seriously aware that i do not want to wait longer for marriage. i know that he can't afford a marriage with his earnings now. all i want is for him to get a better job. or at least a permanent job so that i can be sure he can afford us both, if we were to be together. as people saying money is not everything but everything needs money nowadays. its true. he realize that. but he still do nothing about it. it drives me crazy, and make me in tears everytime i think about it. kak ida do understand my situation but seems like she can't do anything about it, but she promise to talk to him anyway. hope that will work. huhu.

aylanin. 25. still searching for missing pieces in my life.

i wish he loves me. i wish he can proove that he loves me. i wish he wont make me wait this long. i wish he's here at my side.

where got tagboardlah...

www.myvians.com

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